Life in Singapore- a little late, I know

Hi everyone,

So when I was in Ghana during the summer (oh, how I miss it, really!!! I talk about it all the time), I sent out emails once or twice a week to a huge number of people. It was a way for me to connect with my loved ones, my friends. My friends have been my family, my shelter, and my biggest supporters in my life's journey and difficult times, and that was least I could do, I suppose. Anyhow, after the last Email from the country, complaining about the awful diarrhea that I was suffering (if you're grossed out by my straightforward words, by the way, stop reading it :p), I sent out a couple more emails (perhaps only one, can't remember...) promising that I will have a blog to update my globe hoppings, life philosophies, feminism, anthropology, reading and learning experiences, etc. etc. Haha, I guess it's basically about everything about my life.

Anyhow, as the first post, I will just copy-and-paste the mass email that I sent out to people. Hope you don’t think I’m cheating. Love you all, and miss you all, wherever you are.
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So I guess it’s the first time that I’m actually writing to let everyone know that I’m still alive and well in a new country. Yes, I’m here in Singapore, lazily sitting on my King size bed. Yes, that’s right- my real estate agent (Ben, really helpful guy!) put the two single beds together so that I can enjoy the huge bed, although I can never get used to it and I’m still using only half of the bed. I am finally moved in my new apartment in Toa Payoh area, which is supposed to be a pretty hip place to live (and therefore, a bit expensive).

I’m liking my life in Singapore so far. I wasn’t giving much of a thought of living in yet another country (4th country this year!) until the day before I left when I had a slight panic attack and frantically trying to fulfill the 20kg luggage weight requirement (Can you BELIEVE this considering how much clothes and shoes I have?). I guess I always had this feeling or thought that I will be in Singapore temporarily, and I’m BOUND to go back to the US, my “home sweet home.” I practically grew up there for 8 years of my life (out of 23, that is), and it (the country, the culture, the people, everything) made me the person who I am right now. I have all my friends there, and I really have become Americanized. But then, I came to think about my motivation of coming to Singapore. Was it just for a temporary stay? Was it just to avoid the uncomfortable feelings of being in non-Western country (probably, Korea, more or less)?

As I think about it, I made the decision based on the little knowledge that I had about Singapore. It is a country that used to be a British colony, so it has a lot of Western elements in the culture. This tiny country has emerged as the economic powerhouse of Asia throughout the post-colonial era. But my personal motivation has little to do with this idealized concept about the country. Deep down, I wanted to be closer to home (Korea), but not at home. I had such a fear about going back to Korea after graduation, although it probably wouldn’t have been so hard to get a decent job, considering the level of English skill I have. The fear comes from the simple (and complicated!) fact that I’m Korean, but I’m really not Korean. The ways I think, talk and act are pretty American, I feel. I’ve often felt pretty uneasy about “being home,” although it’s pretty nice to be with my family and all, for a limited time of a month, anyways. My Korean-self, which has pretty much stopped developing since I left the country when I was 15, comes back to me as a timid, quiet, fearful girl, defeating my confidant American self, which never lets anyone judge me unfairly (My personality transformation has been pretty radical. A lot of my friends in America would say, “You? Quiet and timid? Give me a break!” knowing the kinda gal I am right now). But at the same time, I was never American. Disregarding the citizenship status (I’m a proud citizen of Republic of Korea), I was always marked as “that Korean girl” who happens to think, talk and act like American. I wanted to belong to everywhere, but never belonged to anywhere, and it is such a stifling, lonely place to be. I simply could not learn who I was in either of the places which are polar opposites in my developmental stages, if this makes any sense.

So here it is, I found a new place that seemed to be a sort of happy medium, and so far, it is a perfect place for me, thank goodness! Despite my initial fear, I found this place to be so comfortable. Other than the fact that I finally get to sleep in my own bed after 3 months of being up in the air, I do find this whole country (well… city as well) to be my new home, after staying here for less than a week. The kind of cultures and people that I’m exposed to are quite amazing here. A little more than 50% of Singaporeans are of Chinese heritage, and the other half is Indian, other South Asians, Europeans, Americans, etc, etc. I was struck by the huge diversity, which was unexpected. I’m often mistaken for a Chinese person (East Asian who’s pretty tanned; I mean, after being in Ghana for almost 2 months, this came sort of natural, and I can’t really blame people here, can I?), but I definitely like the fact that I don’t get “marked” by strangers that often. I can be proud of both of my “heritages.” I have American accent and attitudes. I wear clothes like Americans (wear backpacks everywhere with my Teva flipflops while the fashionable Singaporean women wear large purses, makeup and high heels) and think like one. But at the same time, I can also be proud of my Koreanness while I can share the love of Korean food and hear Korean pop music in shops and bars pretty often. This, without any hesitance or shame, unlike in America. Let me make this clear that I have never been ashamed by my Korean heritage, but it is not something that you can “show off” like you can here in Singapore. Singaporeans understand Korean cultural context so much better than Americans do, and while Singaporeans know what “Korean dramas” are or who “Wonder Girls” are, Americans don’t know without extensive explanations and without the effort to get to know the different culture. Because I refused to be exoticized, I chose not to perform much of my Koreanness in public, if this makes any sense.

Another good thing about Singapore… I’ve been a small town girl all my life, and the vibrant city atmosphere is quite amazing to me, despite the cost. Even then, the living cost here is not that bad, especially compared to NYC, which I love as well, but the living cost really kills me there. I can have a nice Southeast Asian style coffee for mere 60 Singaporean cents (about 45-50 cents in American dollars, yo!). I can enjoy a meal for 3-5 dollars usually, unless I go all out. I know I have to be thrifty and all (and I am), but I definitely feel less pressure financially.

I have been in the economics review sessions since Wednesday, and I ran into so many amazing people. I think I want to stop here just to give you all (and myself, of course) a break, but as much as econ really stinks, I’m enjoying and loving the people that I met at school. On that note… I miss you and love you all, my kin of the world.