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Sunday, May 16, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
The Storyteller
So for the past several minutes, I've been struggling whether I should delete all of my past postings or not. Not to mention the atrocious writing, but I honestly did not see the point of keeping them while I'm pondering of focusing my blog to talk more about meaningful stuff, like making changes in the world, or something... you know? Something that I desperately hope to do, something that I love, something that I want to devote my life into. I want people to see that, and I want MYSELF to see that.
This is perhaps because throughout my first year in grad school, I have read so many fascinating blogs. The lives of others certainly are more fascinating than my own, I'm not gonna lie. I mean if you're a development worker who have been in the field for the past 10 years living with the most vulnerable population like Alanna Shaikh of Blood and Milk or if you're someone who's compiling an extensive reviews of musical theater like my friend Sarah Ellis at UCLA , I certainly cannot compete with their blogs (the links are available on my profile btw), because I just feel that I'm sharing bits and pieces of my personal life that has little bumps here and there, just like many other people in their mid-20s who are going through their midlife crises. So I really asked myself, "Do I want to keep doing this?"
But then, I remembered this fantastic TED talk by Chimamanda Adichie, called, "The Danger of a Single Story." You should really listen to it if you want to understand (and it's only 15 minutes long while she's a fascinating storyteller), but she was pointing out how the stories of Africa is told in rather monolithic manners, like HIV/AIDS, starvation, civil wars and desperation, perhaps the way that the audience (outsiders) wants to hear it. And she gives a little bit of personal bits, how she used to feel that to give a story as an African woman, she wished that she had some stories of challenges in her lives.
Back to my initial thoughts. So I decided not to delete any of my postings (despite the bad writing, despite the irregularity of posting), precisely because of Adichie's reasoning. I started this blog initially, because I moved into a new chapter of my life at a different part of the world and therefore I wanted my story to keep going by sharing it with others. And I wanted to do it not just to keep in touch with my beloved ones in the US, but also for myself. I wanted to share my growth, personal joy and frustration, love and hate, and everything else.
For sure, I probably can't make it as focused and stylish as some other writers do, but so what? What I want to do and what I like to do is storytelling, and without having the complete story from the beginning, you won't know anything about the stories that I will tell in the future. Right?
Of course, over the first year in Singapore, I definitely have grown some interests in different things, and most of them are based on my passion that existed since in undergrad: women's human rights, labor & migration, political Islam. I certainly will try to address these issues, and yes, please feel free to comment.
On that note, I promise that I will try to write more regularly and continuously. But please do understand that I'm currently working on two major researches (which are super exciting). One with the Centre on Asia and Globalisation at my school on access to remedies/justice for the laborers in Southeast Asia. My subgroup is focusing on construction sector in Singapore and Malaysia. So far, my personal task was on interviewing stakeholders in NGO sectors in Singapore. Coming from an activist background, it's super exciting to see this other side of Singapore that is so vocal and active. My other research is for my final thesis (called Policy Analysis Exercise-PAE, or Painfully Agonizing Exercise as we jokingly call it). I finalized the topic (ohhhhh... I really hope this is final!) this week. Some of you know that I've been extremely interested in Political Islam ever since I took class with Dr Suzaina Kadir this past semester. I really got into the topic, and I wanted to focus my thesis on this, especially on Southeast Asia (SEA) region. Anyhow, my topic is on Islamic Family Law in Malaysia and possible engagement of moderate Islamic civil society organizations. I'm so glad to have my interests put together. I will be doing the research with Nanyang Technological University's Prof. Joseph Liow. I met him only once, but he let me do research internship at his school (RSIS- Rajaratnam School of International Studies at NTU). I'm so incredibly excited about these two, but this means that no more play play this summer.
OK, I'll keep you all posted about the progress in my life, while I spend next several months researching, traveling, and living in Singapore.
This is perhaps because throughout my first year in grad school, I have read so many fascinating blogs. The lives of others certainly are more fascinating than my own, I'm not gonna lie. I mean if you're a development worker who have been in the field for the past 10 years living with the most vulnerable population like Alanna Shaikh of Blood and Milk or if you're someone who's compiling an extensive reviews of musical theater like my friend Sarah Ellis at UCLA , I certainly cannot compete with their blogs (the links are available on my profile btw), because I just feel that I'm sharing bits and pieces of my personal life that has little bumps here and there, just like many other people in their mid-20s who are going through their midlife crises. So I really asked myself, "Do I want to keep doing this?"
But then, I remembered this fantastic TED talk by Chimamanda Adichie, called, "The Danger of a Single Story." You should really listen to it if you want to understand (and it's only 15 minutes long while she's a fascinating storyteller), but she was pointing out how the stories of Africa is told in rather monolithic manners, like HIV/AIDS, starvation, civil wars and desperation, perhaps the way that the audience (outsiders) wants to hear it. And she gives a little bit of personal bits, how she used to feel that to give a story as an African woman, she wished that she had some stories of challenges in her lives.
Back to my initial thoughts. So I decided not to delete any of my postings (despite the bad writing, despite the irregularity of posting), precisely because of Adichie's reasoning. I started this blog initially, because I moved into a new chapter of my life at a different part of the world and therefore I wanted my story to keep going by sharing it with others. And I wanted to do it not just to keep in touch with my beloved ones in the US, but also for myself. I wanted to share my growth, personal joy and frustration, love and hate, and everything else.
For sure, I probably can't make it as focused and stylish as some other writers do, but so what? What I want to do and what I like to do is storytelling, and without having the complete story from the beginning, you won't know anything about the stories that I will tell in the future. Right?
Of course, over the first year in Singapore, I definitely have grown some interests in different things, and most of them are based on my passion that existed since in undergrad: women's human rights, labor & migration, political Islam. I certainly will try to address these issues, and yes, please feel free to comment.
On that note, I promise that I will try to write more regularly and continuously. But please do understand that I'm currently working on two major researches (which are super exciting). One with the Centre on Asia and Globalisation at my school on access to remedies/justice for the laborers in Southeast Asia. My subgroup is focusing on construction sector in Singapore and Malaysia. So far, my personal task was on interviewing stakeholders in NGO sectors in Singapore. Coming from an activist background, it's super exciting to see this other side of Singapore that is so vocal and active. My other research is for my final thesis (called Policy Analysis Exercise-PAE, or Painfully Agonizing Exercise as we jokingly call it). I finalized the topic (ohhhhh... I really hope this is final!) this week. Some of you know that I've been extremely interested in Political Islam ever since I took class with Dr Suzaina Kadir this past semester. I really got into the topic, and I wanted to focus my thesis on this, especially on Southeast Asia (SEA) region. Anyhow, my topic is on Islamic Family Law in Malaysia and possible engagement of moderate Islamic civil society organizations. I'm so glad to have my interests put together. I will be doing the research with Nanyang Technological University's Prof. Joseph Liow. I met him only once, but he let me do research internship at his school (RSIS- Rajaratnam School of International Studies at NTU). I'm so incredibly excited about these two, but this means that no more play play this summer.
OK, I'll keep you all posted about the progress in my life, while I spend next several months researching, traveling, and living in Singapore.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
slow recovery from my quarter life crisis
Long time ago, until I was in middle school, perhaps, my favorite thing to do was writing. I was actively participating in writing contests and I actually got lots of awards as well (gasp! Was that the reason that I enjoyed writing that much?)
Then, the thing called "real life" got on the way of my 15-year-old self. I chose to move on to high school in a completely different country with a language that I thought I was good at.
And look what happened, about 10 years later (another gasp...). Now I'm too tired, too lazy, and too jaded to write anything and express myself really effectively. Of course no one checks whether I'm writing my journal diligently or not, so the closest thing to my former passion that I do nowadays is drafting 5-line emails, perhaps 7-8 times a day. Even emailing is somewhat burdensome from time to time.
What saddens me a little (or a lot) is the feeling that I have lost too much of myself over time. I always had grand excuses, such as learning new cultures, exams, social life, "work," etc., but what have I done just for myself? What have I done to communicate most effectively with myself? I once wanted to be a writer, perhaps when I was in middle school. I was actively curious, searching for things to think about and write about. I wanted to see and feel the beauty and interpret it on my own, because that's what I wanted, and because that's who I was. And my inner intimacy level to my own self has dropped by about 248%, and there's some sadness to it. When what I really used to love becomes a chore and becomes a source of headache and tiredness, and when I realize these facts about myself, it is more than disappointment.
Perhaps what I need is still wanting to find things to be excited about, to love and to share, yet again. While I've been recovering from a pretty challenging year, not only regarding grad school, but overall trauma of becoming an adult, I realized that I had let go a lot of things, like, meaningful relationships that I should have maintained, passion, love and hope. I let myself down, often, and I do apologize that I have been out of touch with many of my friends (which include stopping of my emailing and blogging and other worldly contacts).
It's a little late to talk about these new life plans for 2010, but I have one big new years resolution now: I'm not gonna let the world take over me. And I'll become "me" again, just like the girl whom I used to be.
Then, the thing called "real life" got on the way of my 15-year-old self. I chose to move on to high school in a completely different country with a language that I thought I was good at.
And look what happened, about 10 years later (another gasp...). Now I'm too tired, too lazy, and too jaded to write anything and express myself really effectively. Of course no one checks whether I'm writing my journal diligently or not, so the closest thing to my former passion that I do nowadays is drafting 5-line emails, perhaps 7-8 times a day. Even emailing is somewhat burdensome from time to time.
What saddens me a little (or a lot) is the feeling that I have lost too much of myself over time. I always had grand excuses, such as learning new cultures, exams, social life, "work," etc., but what have I done just for myself? What have I done to communicate most effectively with myself? I once wanted to be a writer, perhaps when I was in middle school. I was actively curious, searching for things to think about and write about. I wanted to see and feel the beauty and interpret it on my own, because that's what I wanted, and because that's who I was. And my inner intimacy level to my own self has dropped by about 248%, and there's some sadness to it. When what I really used to love becomes a chore and becomes a source of headache and tiredness, and when I realize these facts about myself, it is more than disappointment.
Perhaps what I need is still wanting to find things to be excited about, to love and to share, yet again. While I've been recovering from a pretty challenging year, not only regarding grad school, but overall trauma of becoming an adult, I realized that I had let go a lot of things, like, meaningful relationships that I should have maintained, passion, love and hope. I let myself down, often, and I do apologize that I have been out of touch with many of my friends (which include stopping of my emailing and blogging and other worldly contacts).
It's a little late to talk about these new life plans for 2010, but I have one big new years resolution now: I'm not gonna let the world take over me. And I'll become "me" again, just like the girl whom I used to be.
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